Jack and Pal

Birthdays Spent in the Land of Mickey Mouse

2009-07-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

So today our little family went to visit 'The Happiest Place on Earth' to celebrate my birthday. This was, in fact, Gavin's first foray into the Magic Kingdom. I learned something important: For a very short window in a child's life, the number of hours he can happily spend at an amusement park exactly matches up with his parents'. That window, for Gavin at least, is at eighteen months. He can happily walk, ride, and sit for about four hours at a stretch, all the while visually stimulated by brightly clad cartoon characters and spoonfed vanilla ice cream. Happily, that is all his parents could handle too! Clearly, looking at the exhausted faces of the parents around us, being hauled around by energetic children both larger and older, this window of serendipity ends. Kids' energy levels expand, even as those of their parents shrink. Or maybe it's a parasitic relationship - kids' energy levels expand by stealing the staying power that once belonged to those who birthed them. All I know is that today, we were all exhausted after just a few hours time, and as much as we enjoyed our day, we were all happy to bid Pooh Bear a fond farewell.

The Phone

2009-03-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

This is a quick update, but I had to write this because it is hi...larious.

So Gavin has immersed himself into the Nursery world. It is a world teeming with malcontent, social malformations, and glib. It is a world in which one finds oneself in a quagmire of existential declaration and id.

The other day, a day like any other, Gavin happened to be strolling through the alleys of Nursery Hell and was accosted by another. This one happened to be in control of the 5 families of the Nursery, Ethan Lenney, and was, may I say, quite powerful. Well this Boss, Ethan happened to covet the ball in Gavin's hands and told him he would sleep with the fishes if he did not hand said object over to him at that time. Gavin refused and Ethan shoved him to the ground and ordered his thugs to filch the ball from his cold hands.

Well, knowing the dark world that the Nursery is, I waited for the next move. Gavin could let things be and Don Ethan could continue to rule over Nursery Town or he could do something.

So, in the silence, Gavin chose his path. While Ethan was wooing a blond in puzzle area of the Hood, Gavin chose his tool. He pulled the Hasbro phone from the pile of weapons and crept up on Ethan while he was distracted by the glimmer of future wealth. Gavin crept up on Ethan and stalked his prey, waiting for the perfect moment. And... when the moment was perfect, reared upon his thick haunches and let the phone descend upon his prey. In revenge he reared his head back, roared and let the phone impress upon Ethan his rage.

And so, on that fateful day, Gavin got his revenge and clocked poor Ethan with a plastic phone in the face. Little guys sometimes do win. May God help us.

True Story.

Happy New Year

2009-01-09T19:57:00.000-08:00

We haven't had many opportunities to update the blog lately - it's sorely out of date. This weekend, Gavin will turn one - how is it possible that a year has gone by so quickly? So as we move into 2009, I leave you with this wish: may you embrace the challenges before you with the joy and zest evidenced by this little guy!

Love those Chargers!

2008-10-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics of Gavin in his Charger jersey!

Some Recent Photos

2008-10-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

An Overdue Update

2008-09-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been more than a month since we've had a chance to update our blog! That's largely due to the fact that we've relocated to a rented house in Temple City - just about a mile from our old apartment in Arcadia. The house belongs to a woman in our church, and she's given us a great deal on rent. She also offered to trade us two months rent for doing the necessary renovations ourselves. And by "ourselves" I mean pretty much all of our family and most of our friends! Here are some of the photos of the transformation (which is, of course, still incomplete...ah, life with a feisty infant!):

Thank you again, a million times over, to our friends and family who put their blood, sweat, and tears into making this little house a home for us. Much love.

Visit Watch Gavin Grow

2008-08-13T21:16:00.001-07:00

Hi! I put a bunch more photos on our shutterfly site: http://www.watchgavingrow.shutterfly.com/

Recent Photos

2008-08-13T16:14:00.001-07:00

A Bumpy Birthday

2008-07-29T16:38:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a bit of excitement this morning as we experienced a 5.4 earthquake. All is well here in Arcadia, with nothing broken or falling off the walls. We wouldn't want Jess to have a boring birthday, would we? Here are some recent photos of the family as Gavin visits with Andrea, sports his Batman onesie, visits with his grandparents, and tours the mall. This kid gets around.

What I'm Reading: In the Time of the Butterflies

2008-07-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

Changing things up a bit, I'm starting a new mini-series for the blog, which cannot possibly compete with gorgeous pictures of Gavin, but may still be of some interest to a few of you. I am going to be teaching a new class this fall, AP English Literature and Composition. I'm trying to read threw a large selection of modern fiction to pick a few "winners" for my class. As a Victorianist, I will humbly admit that I rarely venture into the shelves of newly published novels. Well, except to preorder and stand vigil for the Harry Potter books, of course. Still, I'm already enjoying how fast these modern books read! So conversational, so unlike the eight hundred page Eliot or Dickens novel that I'm usually perusing, and so much easier to read in the quick moments I steal during Gavin's naps or in the morning before I pick him up from Bethany. So, anyhow, I thought I'd share with you a bit about the books I'm reading, especially because the two I've plowed through so far have been so excellent.

Julia Alvarez, In the Time of the Butterflies

I read about this book on a discussion board through Bread Loaf (that silly-named school where I'm working on my MA in English). The book is written in a beautifully engaging manner, told through the first person narration of four sisters who lived in the Dominican Republic in the 1960's. It's based on a true story, but is a fictionalized account of their struggle against the dictator who ran their country, suppressed all discontent, and eventually had three of the four sisters murdered (I know that sounds like a spoiler, but it's established in the very first pages). Beyond the outstanding craft of the author, which left me feeling as though I had truly known and dialogued with these four women, what struck me most in reading the novel was how little I knew about the events it relates. Did you know that the United Nations declared November 25 (the day of their death) the International Elimination of Violence Against Women Day in honor of these sisters? In reading the novel, I kept feeling that there's a sense that here in White America, I've spent a good amount of my life insulated from the struggle going on all over the world for a freedom that I take for granted every day. One more note about the book - I especially appreciated the role that the Catholic church came to play in the Dominican Republic at the close of Trujillo's regime - fighting on the side of the oppressed, realizing that Christ brings a radical message of freedom and equality, a song of liberation to those without voices.

An excellent book, and well worth reading. Tomorrow: Ella Minnow Pea

Gavin James

2008-07-22T20:45:00.000-07:00

Here are some recent photos of our little Gavin. At his 6 month checkup he weighed in at nearly 17 pounds and measures 27 inches. We're just amazed at how quickly he's growing up!

Greetings to All

2008-06-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm sitting in the lobby of the Redditch hotel in England, paying a pound (2$) for ten minutes of internet, and it occurred to me that with a few minutes I could probably tell the maximum number of people that I'm having a fantastic time and miss you all! The students are having a great time, enjoying the opportunity to climb the castle in Rochester, wander the streets of Canterbury, tour the town of Stratford-upon-Avon, peek at honey colored colleges in Oxford, and stand amazed through the Merry Wives of Windsor performed in the Globe Theater in London. All in all, it's been fantastic. The weather was warm and balmy the first three days and has now turned to authentic "British" clouds and rain, which for some reason always lends more charm to the English countryside. I miss you all so very much and can't wait to post my photos. Much love, Marilee!

Rock a Baby

2008-06-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

Probably the two most important arrivals at the Malott household in 2008 have been Gavin James and Dustin's Rock Band game for the XBox 360. Both have brought joy; both have brought a lot of noise. Luckily, the two seem to suit one another! Whether he's chilling out and watching the bright colors stream across the screen or taking a more active role, this baby likes Rock Band.

Update on Marilee

2008-05-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, Marilee had to go in for emergency surgery on her gall bladder yesterday. After 12 hours at the hospital I am happy to say that she made it through and is recovering at home. She is exhausted and in a lot of pain, but she no longer has a gall stone the size of a golf ball. Thank you for all the calls, flowers, notes, prayer and extra help you have given. We will hopefully update you all soon.

Two Babies

2008-05-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

For two years, Jackie Jones was our only baby. He taught us a lot about taking care of something or someone. Like John the Baptist preparing the way for Jesus, Jack prepared us for Gavin. We learned what it meant to have someone depending on us, someone who needed us to put his needs above our own wants. We were home at a certain time so he could eat or play or poop. We realized that all the hassle was worth it when he snuggled up and gave us that goofy look that tells us that he loves us more than anything else in the world, except maybe his blue and green footballs. Jack was the perfect preparation for a baby who would enter the world screaming, refuse to eat, go through three different types of formula before we could find one that works, and sleep no more than an hour at a time. Just like Jack, Gavin was and is a lot of hassle, and there's times when I know my resources are depleted beyond anything experienced to date. But it's still all worth it when that little guy smiles up at me, or looks across the room at his dad and starts laughing.

There's just one hitch in this little bible story, our John the Baptist thinks he's the Messiah. There's no stepping aside graciously. No claims of unworthiness to tie the sandal of the Chosen One. Instead, Jack seems to think the only good thing to come out of Gavin's arrival is the proliferation of rattle toys. To demonstrate Jack's boldness, let me tell you that the other day Gavin was wearing these cute little socks that have rattles sewn to the ends. He'd been kicking rather vigorously in his swing, and the sock on one of his feet was dangling a bit. Jack very nonchalantly walked by, gently sniffed the sock, and when he walked away, Gavin had one bare foot! The little rattle sock had to be rescued.

When I returned home from school the other day, Dustin had the following evidence of poor Jackie's refusal to accept a secondary position: Jack had climbed onto Gavin's little sleeping bed and fallen asleep. Now, who can look at such a face and convince him that he's not our baby, too?

Keeping Cool in California

2008-04-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

Several of our friends and family have contacted us recently to inquire about the proximity of the Sierra Madre fire. We're safe and sound, though the fire did extensive damage to the hillside above our community of Sierra Madre (the town in which Jesse works and we previously lived). It was a jarring experience to exit the mall last Saturday to the scorching temperatures of the top of the parking structure, only to look over the valley at leaping flames of crimson and pink beginning to consume the hills. Due to the extensive smoke, Bethany church and school were closed down on Monday and part of Tuesday. The city of Sierra Madre used the church's ministry center to provide showers for some of the evacuees. Luckily, the fire is now almost contained and (as far as I know) no structures were damaged.

The temperature in recent days has been maxing out over 100 degrees here in the San Gabriel Valley - a fact that our dog Jack doesn't appreciate as the smoke and heat have seriously curtailed his play time. To help him cope, we thought we'd take a little trip to Kmart and buy him a plastic kiddypool, thinking that as a labrador he'd like to soak in it. Oh, no. This dog thinks it's time to splash. Especially in our direction. At least Gavin enjoyed sitting in the pool for a bit. Enjoy!

More Pics of Gavin and Family

2008-04-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

I've uploaded more photos of our little family! Go to http://www.gavinarrives.shutterfly.com/ and use the password "peanut". The new album is "Gavin is Growing." Enjoy!

Don't Get off the Train

2008-04-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

While my parents were here a couple weeks ago, I learned an important life lesson: When you're on the right train, don't get off. My mom flew into the Burbank airport on a Thursday, while my dad took the train up from San Diego (where he'd been working for a few weeks) on Friday. We decided to give Gavin his first taste of public transportation, taking the Gold Line down to Union Station to meet my dad. So Gavin (in his stroller), Jesse, my mom and I loaded on to the train at the Sierra Madre stop. We arrived, entered the train (which had been sitting at the stop for some time), and sat down. Unfortunately, the section we were seated in was facing backwards, and my mom gets quite motion sick. Looking down the train car, we could see that seats further on were facing forward, but the aisle was blocked by someone else with a large stroller. At the next stop, we determined to move down the car and sit where my mom would be more comfortable. I suggested that Jesse, who was pushing the stroller, exit at the door near us and reenter the traincar further along. Jess and Gavin moved outside and my mom and I began walking down the traincar's aisle. At that moment, a mechanical voice said "The Doors Are Closing" - and they did. With Jesse and Gavin outside. And then the train pulled away. With Jesse and Gavin outside! I'm sure my face was quite a picture. I called Jesse on his cell phone and we just burst out laughing. Mom and I exited the train at the next stop and waited for the next train to bring my husband and son along. The ten minutes we sat waiting at the Lake Avenue stop, on a little concrete island in the middle of the 210 freeway brought home the life lesson: when you're on the right train, don't get off. It's a bit like Red Riding Hood - don't be distracted from the path, no matter how pretty the flowers or, in this case, how tempting the seats appear. Stick to what you have. No matter what!

Bad Boy Jackie

2008-03-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Jack has stooped to new lows in order to communicate his dissatisfaction at his place in the new pecking order. Today he unpacked the box of Gavin's formula and tried to open it with his teeth! Luckily, Jesse nearly burned the chicken on the bbq and caught the dog's nefarious deed before he got too far. Here is the evidence:

Hello Deutschland

2008-03-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

This week we've had a wonderful visit with Beth, my roommate from Bread Loaf. Last year at this time, she came to visit and we went to Disneyland, traipsing all over town. This year, we've introduced her to the wonders of the dining room and the joys of the nursery - both excellent places to pace and bounce the boy when he's fussy. I'm afraid that all house guests are now quickly co-opted into babysitters, but let's hope that's why they've come: to get a few moments with this beautiful boy. And while Beth's visit has been wonderful, we both send a hearty "hello, and we love you!" to our roommate Nadja, who lives so far away. She promises to become rich and successful soon so as to bankroll frequent visits to Germany. Don't let us down, Noodle!

Little Couch Potato

2008-03-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

This kid has an overabundance of personality, don't you think? We bought him a "Bumbo" seat and were immediately entertained by how grown up he looked, hanging out in his little seat. Of course, he immediately wanted control of the remote.

Twelve Pounder

2008-03-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

Just a little update: We took Gavin for his 8 week appointment at the pediatrician (you know, the one where he gets his first shots!). This little tubby weighed in at twelve pounds, so we know he's thriving on his new, hypoallergenic formula. Although he's still only sleeping for forty minutes at a time even at night, we're getting a lot more smiles. Here's one snapped by Jesse's grandfather last week.

A Few Memories from this Week

2008-03-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

This last week we (and I mean all four of us) crowded into the Saturn with all of Gavin's necessities - you know, a swing, a pack'n'play, a stroller, a suitcase, a bathtub! - and travelled down to San Diego. Andrea was a glorious hostess and let us take over her gorgeous beach bungalo. Poor Kobe Cat was sequestered to the back bedroom as my giant yellow dog prowled about, looking for a chance to make a new friend. Jesse enjoyed a wonderful pastor's conference and I had the chance to see some good friends.

Well, they're not really friends - they're more like family. Andrea is truly the closest thing I have to a sister. Someone who's put up with me since my pre-puberty days. Someone who knows that I don't mean it when I show up on her doorstep with a howling baby, a wild dog, a tired husband, and I have to shout, "I hate my life!" :) She knows that what I really mean is, "Help, take my unruly companions, feed me, and send me to take a bath!" Family.

We also had a chance to spend time with the "Pags" - Don and Pam Paganini, who have been my "other parents" since I was in the fourth grade. We commiserated on how hard it is to be away from family when a new baby enters the picture - with my parents up near Seattle and Aaron and his family out East near Washington D.C. Luckily, the internet brings us closer, and we were all able to hop online and chat with my parents that evening. Spending time at Don and Pam's is the closest I know to coming home.

Finally, here's a quick video of Gavin as we coach from him a smile or two. Enjoy.

Four Generations

2008-02-21T15:12:00.000-08:00

Here's a little montage of video that I took when Gavin, Dustin, and I headed out to Moreno Valley to introduce my son to his great-grandparents. Although my Grandma and Grandpa have nine great-grandchildren already, each one is special and cherished. It was so wonderful to see Gavin in the arms of two people who have meant so much to me. I truly feel blessed to have such generous, loving, and encouraging people in my life - grandparents who have set the bar pretty high! Luckily Gavin's grandparents (all four of them) are on their way to achieving equal greatness. Here are a few photos to prove my point:

Little Clone?

2008-02-07T13:56:00.000-08:00

From the moment that Jesse's parents came into the Labor-Delivery room, they exclaimed, "Jesse! He looks just like you!"

At that time, I'd only briefly glanced at Gavin as he entered the world, and only then because my OB had ordered in her gentle, no-nonsense voice, "Marilee, look up and see your son." He looked something like a grey-alien from the X-files to me, plus all I really wanted at that moment was for her to finish extracting that little alien so I could stop pushing my insides out. He didn't look like Jesse to me, at least not in that pain-infused moment, but then he didn't really look human either, so who could say?

The large NICU staff must have finally heard my voiceless plea because they whisked Gavin away to his little receiving table and did whatever it is they do to make sure that he was well and safe. I sort of hazily waved Jesse towards the kid and submitted myself to be kneaded and stitched, sending up a groggy prayer of thanks that God had stood by us, feeling at that moment that I could not have made it even one contraction more.

Eventually, Gavin came back and bonded with me "skin to skin," and I was pleased to see that five pulls with the vacuum had not made his head terribly cone-shaped, and they'd successfully rubbed him into a nice pink color. I was a bit amazed that any child of mine could be born with so much hair (I had bows taped to my head until I was two), and so when our family came in to meet the new Malott who'd taken his sweet time to arrive, I had to agree that Gavin looks a lot like Jesse. Good thing I think Jesse's so handsome!

Still, there are moments when I look at him and see echoes of my Nunn and Hulse bloodlines, particularly in his long fingers and toes and his little lips. I was amazed, though, when Amy brought pictures of Jesse as a newborn - if I didn't know better, I would truly swear that the pictures were of Gavin. I can't wait to see how he'll grow and change over the years!!

See for yourself:

Survivor - The Baby Islands

2008-02-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

Its been almost 3 months since I've (Jesse) posted anything, so please excuse my rough blog edges as I enunciate my innermost feelings regarding Fatherhood.

HEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!

Having a baby is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. And the most exciting. Marilee has already expressed to you dear blog-ees that we have had no sleep for over 3 weeks (except for some pity that our folks provided us). But that is truly not the most difficult thing. The most difficult thing that I have come across is overcoming my very male need to fix the situation. With babies, most of the time, you cannot "fix the situation".

I mean my normal tendency is to look at his fussing like I would with any problem in the church. I assess the level of the problem. Is this harming multiple people? Is this a problem that is bound in the past? Will I or others be able to resolve this quickly or will I be in this in the long haul? Usually the answer is no to all of the above for Gavin. Then I move on to step 2 - What are the resources at my disposal in order to accomplish a solution? With the baby - pacifier, bottle, music, blow dryer, vacuum cleaner, and lately a strange white hip hop dance that I came up with that seems to appeal to my very white child.

Step - After exhausting all resources, how do I turn this problem into a solution that works for everyone? In this case I feel like I am dealing with an alcoholic. He wants the bottle, not necessarily from need but because he "has to have it." Originally I didn't want to be controlled by the kid, but when he hits that "pig sqeal" it is all over for me. I shove that bottle in his mouth while doing the Macarena in my skivvies at 3am faster than you can say "Cranky boy". It's about survival right now. I have few solutions - I have become a minimalist parent - seeking to keep my son happy for 15 minutes so that I can pay the bills. Sorry Baby Whisperer - I have failed you.

Yet in those survival moments - I find myself so in love with this little guy that looks just like me. He even has the crazy Conan O'Brian hair - poor kid. We had prayed that we would have a mellow child like Marilee. Instead we have the blessing of raising a very "spirited boy". May God bless us all as we enjoy that spirit.

Pooh on your Father

2008-02-01T19:15:00.000-08:00

Gavin is three weeks old today. Three weeks sounds like a short time. Until you realize that three weeks is a long time to be awake. Before Gavin arrived, I tried to prepare as best I could - I read books, we decorated the nursery, I talked to moms about what it was like. I figured it would be more amazing and more difficult than anyone can imagine pre-baby (a bit like marriage, in fact). I was right. It is, indeed, more exquisite and more painful than I could anticipate.

Yet, even amongst the zombie-like exhaustion that's set in and the emotional turmoil brought on by Gavin's slow weight gain, we've had a lot of moments of laughter. Those are the moments that I want to capture here. Months or years from now, the sleep deprivation will be something we shrug our shoulders over and (hopefully) remember as just one more hurdle in this race of ours. Heck, the vividness of 21 hours in labor is already fading, so I assume these weeks of bleary-eyed exhaustion will too. What I hope stands out in our memories are the moments that things went wrong, but we were able to laugh anyway. So, here's one of the highlights:

When Gavin was only about a week old, Jesse was holding him and feeding him. Because Gavin usually falls asleep during his feedings, we were told by the pediatrician to try a variety of strategies to keep him awake - tickle his feet, rub his hands, feed him unclothed. Jess had Gavin on his lap with Gavin wearing only a diaper. A diaper that, it turned out, is a bit big for him. This fact was discovered quite dramatically when Jesse let out a wail and exclaimed, "He pooped on me!" Indeed, Gavin had "blown out his britches" as my mom says, covering Jesse in baby poop. Here's a photo to help you imagine the scene. We (my parents and I - I'm not sure Jesse's ready to laugh about it yet) had a great time laughing over that one. It brought a whole new meaning to the card game our family enjoys playing whenever we're all together: Pooh on Your Neighbor!

Want More Pictures?

2008-01-21T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've uploaded many of our photos of Gavin and family to shutterfly.com, which allows people to print photos online straight to Target. You can see these photos by going to http://www.gavinarrives.shutterfly.com/ and using the password

"peanut". Enjoy!

Introducing Gavin James

2008-01-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Our beautiful son, Gavin James Malott, was born on January 11th at 11:07 PM. He arrived after 21 hours of back-labor and weighed 9 pounds, 5 ounces. There were some minor complications with the birth, which has made recovery for Mom slow and painful, but our little family is home and overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and support that has been showered upon us. We truly could not have made it through the last week without our dear friends and family. Here are some of our favorite pictures so far of this handsome boy.

Ready to Pop

2007-12-28T14:57:00.000-08:00

Just a little post-Christmas photo to show you how READY I am for this baby to be born. Holiday blessings to all of you!

Merry Christmas, BoBo

2007-12-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

Next year we'll have an infant to tear open packages and enjoy the wrapping paper more than the presents. This year, we have a two year old - a two year old Lab named Jack. He really loves Christmas. Even if it's just for a few moments of destructive bliss, this dog knows the meaning of joy!

Objects in Motion Remain in Motion...

2007-12-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

Here's a little video of Jesse and Jack exploring physics. Jesse got the LandRoller roller blades for Christmas (as seen on the Dog Whisperer), and these are their first attempts at trying them out. Enjoy!

It's Good to Have a Brother

2007-12-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

Dustin is here! He arrived a week ago and we're keeping him until January 5th! It's been nearly a year since I've seen him, and I'm so glad to have him around. Apparently Jack is too - here's Jackie Boy snuggling up to his Uncle Dustin this morning. Hopefully Jacks will be as happy when his own little brother arrives!

Children, Fools, and Pregnant Women

2007-12-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

A week ago, I did something stupid. I'd like to blame my lack of common sense on the fact that most of my blood is being rerouted to my uterus, so perhaps my brain is a bit short on the necessary nutrients to think clearly. All I know is that I had a problem and came up with a solution, even if, in hindsight, it was a really dumb solution.

Jesse's grandmother was in the hospital and we weren't sure what time we would be getting home, so we asked our faithful dog-buddy, Josh, to swing by and let Jack out in the afternoon. I left my housekey for Josh and headed out. By four o'clock, it was time for my pregnant body to rest, so I headed home, leaving Jesse at the hospital, planning to ride home with his parents later that evening. Of course, when I got home, I realized that we'd not specified where Josh should leave my key when he was done. Now, understand - I was tired, needed to pee, and had my to-go dinner with me.

And I was key-less. Jack peered at me through the miniblinds, wondering what was taking me so long. It was getting dark and Jesse (who had his own key) was about a two hour drive away when you factored in traffic. I didn't have Josh's number, but I was pretty sure he'd left the key on the kitchen table as he'd done in the past (I was wrong, but that's irrelevant to my story). I checked under the mat in back. I checked under the mat in the front. I tried to talk Jackie into opening the door. And then I did what made perfect sense to me at the time: I looked for a window to crawl in.

I'd done it before when I'd locked myself out. And then we'd realized how easy it had been to get into our apartment, so I'd made Jesse put nails in all the windows. But I was standing there, tired, hungry, and increasingly irritable, and I started praying that maybe we'd left a window unlocked. Maybe there was a way I could get in. Sure enough, I discovered that the window I often open for Jack's benefit was unlatched. It was even located over the airconditioning unit, which I figured would make a handy seat as I hoisted my new heaviness up and in.

I got the screen off and then I pushed the window as far as I could get it to open. The dog tried to climb out, but I persuaded him that he'd be more help on the inside. I tried leaning in and unlocking the front door, but it was too far. There seemed no other solution at the time than to find a way to wiggle my big belly through that small opening. And I did. I sat on the air conditioner and put my head in. I will admit that at this moment, I had second thoughts. It felt a bit like being under a guillotine, which is not a good feeling. But I thought, "I am an able woman. I will solve this for myself." (Dumb, I know, but at the time it seemed very empowering.) Sure enough, I summoned super pregnant strength, pushed the window open a few more inches, and made it through. I was in! I ate my dinner rather proud of myself, although looking back I realize that was one of my stupider moments. Who knows what could have happened?

My mom's response was "Thank God that He watches out for children and fools, and perhaps we need to add pregnant women." Or maybe just childishly foolish pregnant women?

Counting Down the Weeks

2007-12-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how quickly time is passing these days! This is the last week of normal classes at Maranatha, and next week is final exam time. On Saturday, Dustin arrives and will be spending nearly three weeks with us. Soon Christmas and New Year will be upon us, and all that is left is Little Malott's arrival.

As you might expect, I'm finding this season of Advent especially meaningful, being "Great with Child" myself. I've been thinking about that summons to Bethlehem, how Mary must have felt - so insignificant and pawn-like, moved about by imperial decrees made half of a world away. I find it difficult to accomplish simple tasks like grading essays or washing laundry, all of which pales in comparison to riding a long ways on a donkey to a town I've never known without even the assurance of a warm bath at the end of the journey. And then, to arrive and give birth in a smelly stable with little help and no epidural! Truly, I've come to appreciate Mary's strength and courage more and more as the days of December slip by and move me closer to my own son's birth. No doubt, the coming years will increase my appreciation for Mary's worries and loss as well!

Merry Christmas to you all.

An Experimental Tour of the Baby's Room

2007-11-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

Hello! I thought I'd try out the new camcorder tonight. Here is my first attempt, which seems to me a little blurry, but at least you'll get a glimpse of the new, organized baby room. Hopefully I won't make you seasick - I'm sure filming on these things is a skill to be learned - one we're sure to become proficient in once the baby arrives. Much love and blessings - M

Showered with Love

2007-11-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

In the last couple weeks, we've had two showers - one at the church and another at my grandmother's house. Jess and I have just been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support that we've received. And the stuff. Wow - this baby will be better dressed in his first few months of life than he ever will afterwards! Here are a few photos of all the fun:

Here are Dani and Perrie - my beautiful students whom I've taught since they were in the sixth grade (six years ago!). I was so happy they could be a part of this fun event.

Here are three of my good friends: Jeanne, Hannah, and Sarah.

Here is Jesse and I, seated with my San Diego Mom, Pam Paganini, at the family shower hosted by my grandparents.

Finally, here are my cousin Chelsie and I with the delicious cake that she made for the event. We really are so lucky to have such an amazing group of friends and family!

Make Room for Baby

2007-11-12T13:49:00.000-08:00

We've been working on the "second bedroom" for a few weeks now...well - Jesse has been working on it while I make periodic visits and frequent suggestions. Luckily, he's had help from Jackie Boy and our friends, Micah and Hannah. Here are a few photos to enjoy along the way - it's nearly finished now, just the wallpaper border to put up and the valance to hang!

Chronicles of the Dog

2007-11-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

When Marilee and I first got our dog Jack as a new pup, we were so excited. Not only was this a long-time wish of ours to have a dog, but because this was one step closer to having a child. I think Jack always knew that he was the John the Baptist, paving the way for someone who would usurp his place and authority. His life has always been devoted to one thing, "postpone the kid." For instance, when we got him we told ourselves that if we could keep a dog alive we could probably handle having a kid. So what does Jack do, a week after he arrived - concocted a life-threatening Pneumonia, costing us thousands of dollars. His strategy was two-fold - not only had he set us back financially, he caused us to doubt our readiness for child-raising - GENIOUS! He had indeed cemented his role as "our child."

Every time Jones (that's my name for Marilee) and I would gain a spine and lay down the law, he would develop some illness and give us those big ol' sad eyes. We were jello. He sleeps in the bed with us, has his favorite spot on the couch, prefers Breyers to Dreyers, and throws a fit if he is told no (really, he has a conniption). Just a couple of weeks ago I went into the kitchen to slice myself some cheese. I went to go answer the phone and 2 seconds later Jack runs into the living room with the whole block of cheese imprisoned in his mouth. You see, he loves cheese. This was a triumph.

What will we do when little Malott arrives in January and Jack is no longer mister numero uno? Already he can tell something is up. He seems to be regressing some in his behavior. But everytime we have little ones over he loves them. He just wants to keep licking them. It's us I'm worried about, not junior. Little Malott will just have to get used to being soaked with puppy drool every day. Oh well, some kids do have it worse - there are starving kids in China still.

Growing Wider

2007-11-06T20:21:00.000-08:00

At our doctor appointment yesterday, I received the good news that I do not have Gestational Diabetes. My first glucose test had come back with high scores (what can I say? I've always wanted high scores before!), so I'd had to take a more extensive test that included fasting for twelve hours, drinking 100 mg of a terribly sweet substance called "glucola", and then have my blood tested four times over three hours. We pregnant people need to eat, so I'll just say that by noon (by then, no food for 16 hours) it's good that I was alone - I was pretty cranky!

Anyhow, that's over and I'm grateful that my test results came back normal - it seemed a bit cruel to have to give up ice cream so abruptly, when I'd waited so long to indulge. :) We've switched over to sugar-free ice cream, pudding, and cookies just to slow down the rapid weight gain, but I still get to eat carbs! (Thank goodness - Panera just opened up down the street!) Speaking of weight gain, I can officially say that for the first time since our freshman year in college, Jess and I weigh the same. Wow, I'm still processing that fact.

Kid Nation

2007-10-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

As some of you may have heard, child abuse is running rampant on the television network CBS. Or, at least that is what we are told. Adding to my ginormous list of regularly watched shows, the new controversial hit Kid Nation has begun to climb the rankings.

The gyst of the show is a modified "Lord of the Flies" scenario in which 40 children, ages 8 to 15 are dropped off in the middle of the desert with the mandate to build a town of their own. They are given a ghost town, a warm, yet hands-off adult host, and daily tips as to how to coordinate this new civilization.

I have no idea how the producers pulled off such a bold legal maneuvering, but they somehow got the courts to agree to let them make millions off a social experiment with minors. And the television it has produced is, in a word, awesome.

In the first couple of days, life was chaos. The kids ran wild, soon succombing to the pressures of starvation and thusly beginning their work.

What has fascinated me about this show is the way that these kids have semingly replicated adult society. They chip in to wash dishes, create new recipes. Kids with certain gifts rise to challenge and cover for the inadequacies of the others. In fact, now that I think about it, they function better than adults.

One episode shocked me and in some ways rang quite true. Every three days the kids are brought togther in their teams and compete with each other for a better class rank than the others. If all the teams complete the challenge within a given amount of time, the whole town is given a choice of two rewards. Needless to say, when you bring a bunch of starving who are desparate for a bit of fun - they work hard. In this particular challenge, the choice of the two rewards were either to turn the town into a giant miniature golf course (hey, an accidental oxymoron - yeah!) or a small collection of religious texts. Almost to a kid, they chose the library.

Why do you think this is?

Behold - The End is Nigh

2007-10-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, there is no doubt that Jesse is correct when he highlights how differently we approach deadlines. This is not news to either of us (we were, after all, friends long before we were spouses), and it can't be too suprising to any of our good friends or (especially!) our families. After all, these penchants for neurotically preparing for stressful events (that would be me) or cavalierly procrastinating to acknowledge said event (that would Jess) developed long ago. In my parents' boxes of photos, there's a picture I particularly love. It's taken in the kitchen of our Garden Grove house on the morning I would attend first grade for the very first time. My hair is curled, my dress is on (which had been chosen carefully the night before), and my shoes are tied. I am sitting on a kitchen chair, feet dangling because they don't quite reach the floor. I am concentrating intently - on the clock mounted above the door to the garage. Willing that second hand to move a little quicker. Everything is ready. Just waiting for the time to be right. I was seven.

Now I am thirty-one and feeling the impulse to behave according to my nature. Is this the biological clock everyone speaks of? This instinct to begin the (sometimes painful) transition from adolescent to adult? That is the conversation that sparked Jesse's eschatalogical musings below - I looked around at the soda cans and discarded Taco Bell bags on the coffee table and thought, "If my son had walked away and left this here, he'd be in big trouble. Maybe it's time that we start living out the rules we intend to teach this kid." Of course, because I'm six months pregnant and the mood swings are like riding the Dragon Swing at Knott's Berry Farm, this very rational and mature idea came out in a combination of righteous indignation and snivelling tears. I'd feel bad for Jesse, except that this potent combination seems to be awfully effective in driving home my point to someone so inclined towards a laissez faire attitude. Needless to say, communication was had, plans were inacted, and our house has never been so orderly!

And it's a good thing, too, because our latest trip to the doctor for an echo cardiogram (clean bill of health on little Malott's heart! hooray!) brought the...interesting? information that "this kid has a huuuge head. No, really. Like Sputnik - spherical yet pointy in parts." Joking aside, his head (which is how they measure a baby's development in the womb) is like two weeks ahead of schedule. Yikes! Our January 17th due date might be closer to January 4th, according to the specialist we saw. So, maybe these little preparations, transitioning us slowly into honest-to-goodness-adults, are a good idea - the end of adolescence might be closer than we thought!

Last Days

2007-10-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have kids have already experienced the eschatological nature of pre-childbirth. As most of you know, I am a theo-nerd from way back and have a particular penchant for "last days" theology.

Usually, at night Marilee and I have the chance to debrief the day (you know, the boring stuff) and digest what new tidbits have developed in our winsome little lives. A couple of nights ago, the tiny tidbits morphed into a huge huddle on the topic of "pre-child preparatory philosophy." That of course is the pretentious phrase I created for grandness sake, but it essentially boils down to this: Marilee believes that she needs these last few months to establish routines and disciplines in her life so that she is properly prepared and ready for motherhood. Jesse sees these last few months as a hoorah to the days when you could still go to movies, go out with friends and most especially play Halo into all hours of the night. These philosophies have really followed us throughout our lives. Marilee has always been the responsible one - running home immediately after the first day of class just to get a start on that exciting "build-a-molecule" project. Jesse spent the first day in class calculating the latest possible time when he would have to turn in assignments. Marilee attended all her classes in college. Jesse went to take the tests. Marilee planned out their wedding months in advance with an "all-possible-scenarios" approach. Jesse helped plan the wedding... but still asked if Vegas wasn't perhaps a wiser option.

So as you can see, we have different philosophies about responsibility and preparation. So, here we sit in the "last days" before the coming of the child and attempt to grasp the apocalyptic nature of the event. We've been told that the literal emerging of the child is something from the Book of Revelation and that after this annunciation we can expect great transformation in our lives to come. So when Marilee asks me if I am really ready for all this transformation, I responded with the same phrase I have used for my entire life, "Desperation produces inspiration." She has a plan of attack. She has studied, researched, established her schedule, even begun practicing good family procedures without the family. She is ready and knows from experience that preparation is the best way to not fail. I, however, have gotten by on sheer luck (code for God had grace on my sorry butt).

I must admit to you all that I am afraid - afraid that I will never figure out how to comfort Jude (that's his name this week) when he's upset. I'm terrified that all my foibles will somehow manifest themselves into the personality of this little person. Will he be as reckless and irresponsible as me? Will he never learn from advice and only from mistakes? Will he have a secret addiction to Wienerschnitzel chili-cheese dogs? These are all questions that can only be answered through experience.

I prayed this morning that like my eschatology, I would place my faith for Jude in the fact that God will have the final say and his grace will overwhelm the errors of the many.

Still, I look forward to late night chili-dog runs (not in the bathroom way) with the boy.

Little Chucks

2007-10-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that Jesse and I met thirteen years ago (wow!), when he chose my blue Converse tennis shoe from a box of shoes on the first evening of our freshman year at Whitworth College. I'd left one of my suitcases at home, and ended up tying on my old navy chucks (complete with Micky Mouse bow-biters) with the hope that no one at the semi-formal dinner would notice my very casual footwear. Of course, as soon as I reached the first-floor lounge, I was told to put my shoe in a box. The boys upstairs would choose a shoe and come, like Prince Charming I suppose, seeking its match. While I'll admit to preferring even this dirty pair of tennis shoes to the stuffy pumps, how lucky am I that Jesse did too?

To propose, Jesse recreated that first meeting, so it seemed only fitting that for our wedding, my mom and grandmother decorated a white pair of Con's, and I eschewed the typical, blister-inducing formal wear most brides suffer. Somehow those quirky shoes summed up so much for us and our journey from friends to soul-mates.

This week we had a wonderful visit with our dear friend Marshall, who brought with him a wonderful gift for Baby Malott - a little pair of chucks. How cute are these? How appropriate that this child begin thus decked out? So little...so cute.

Belly Update - Look Out Below!

2007-10-03T20:22:00.000-07:00

I am very popular these days at work. All the students run up to hug me and tell me how cute it is...that I look like a balloon. They don't say that, but it's what they mean. And who doesn't like balloons, after all? I know I associate them with parties - especially birthday parties, and (as many of you know so well) I adore birthdays.

Balloons are usually bright, festive colors. As a child, I always looked with longing at the large mylar balloons that float happily over the check-out at the grocery store. It didn't matter that it wasn't my birthday or I didn't need to 'Get Well' - they were balloons, and I would have happily left the store with one. Balloon animals are good, too. Somehow talented clowns at carnivals or waiters at restaurants have the talent to make those long, skinny balloons screech their way into unexpectedly familiar shapes. On my first date (which was my sixteenth birthday), my date and I ate dinner across the table from one another with a huge heart-shaped balloon-hat bridging the table, linking our heads. Embarassing, but fun. Two years ago, my roommates at Bread Loaf covered my bed with balloons for my birthday - balloons that miraculously lasted the rest of the summer, tangible reminders of friendship and love.

Becoming a walking balloon is somehow different. Still festive, I suppose, as my growing belly is a constant reminder that our family too is growing. But it's rather disconcerting to see a bit less of one's feet each day. My students have to carefully stowe their backpacks behind their chairs - no chance to trip over what I can't see, that way. As someone who's never really had to work at being slim, it's mostly my sense of self that is in flux. Not as a matter of vanity, really - I don't find my new, balloon shape hideous! It's just one's sense of self in space that must be reconsidered - the very sense that Gnarls Malott (just kidding!) is developing about this time, as he starts to find his cozy home a bit more snug.

Jess and I recently oohed and aahed through "In the Womb" (a show on the Discovery Channel), which explained that as the baby enters the third trimester, he begins to develop a sense of himself in space. Without sight, he starts to understand where he sits in relation to the walls of the placenta. Plus, about now his senses become linked to his brain, allowing him to become more aware of the world around him: hearing and feeling with me as I go through my day. So my sense of how much space I take up seems to grow as my son's does. It seems that part of the joys of motherhood is making space in the world for one's child, beginning with the balloon-like expansion of one's waist-line. This is one balloon that won't be floating anywhere!

Faith & Culture... In My Dreams?

2007-10-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

I am a dreamer... literally. Since childhood I have experienced the wildest dreams while sleeping and at times lived them out. My poor wife has been the unwilling victim of these wild dreams. One time while living at Fuller Seminary, I experienced a very vivid "waking nightmare". Somehow, I imagined that the point of a laser scope was targeting our bed. I immediately grabbed Marilee, threw her off the bed while madly yelling, "Sniper, sniper, 10 o' clock!" I leapt on top of her body to protect her from the ensuing sniper fire, all the while oblivious to her yelling, "Get off me, you're asleep."

So, as you can see, my dreams play very active roles in my life and my life in them.

Last night, I had another dream. Many times, in order to shut off my brain, I will fall asleep to an old television episode or movie that I have seen many times. This time I dreamt that I had fallen asleep to an old Jesus film. Yet somehow, I entered the life of the movie and became Jesus' 13th disciple. We would walk around and heal people and cast out demons - you know, regular everyday stuff.

Here's the twist: Jesus and the disciples were played by the cast members of "The Office". Steve Carrell played Jesus - he had a beard in this movie. And the personality of each disciple was characterized by who they played on "The Office". I think I remember Peter being Dwight Schrute, pompous, outspoken, and obnoxious. John was played by Jim Halpert, easygoing and providing a running commentary on the rest of the group. Unlike real life, I remained pretty silent through the whole movie.

When I woke this morning two thoughts presented themselves to me. First, "Wow, I watch a lot of T.V." and second, "Can I ever escape the struggle between faith and culture?"

I'll finish this tomorrow after I get some sleep - maybe I'll have a sequel tonight.

Tinsel Town - Pt. 2

2007-09-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Now that I have copies of some of the photos we took while in the Big Apple, I thought I'd update the blog and tell you a bit more about my trip. The idea for the trip came when Mom and I were chatting about our enjoyment of the cheesy reality-TV show "Grease: You're the One that I Want". Each week, Jesse would go practice his guitar and I would sing along to the fifties tunes, voting for Max and Laura. When they won, I half-jokingly said to my mom, "We should go to New York and see the show. Just us girls!" What began as more of a "wouldn't that be fun?" became a reality, and we planned to visit NY, seeing a couple shows on Broadway.

We did see Grease (with Max and Laura), and it was a really fun show. It was different from the John Travolta movie, with songs in a different order and a lot more songs for the supporting cast. The addition of several fifties songs and an outstanding Frankie Avalon-like guardian angel for the "Beauty School Drop-Out" number (he descended from a giant soft-serve ice cream cone!) added to the fun. The audience was very enthusiastic, and the theater was pretty intimate, so there were many factors contributing to our enjoyment of the program. Max did well - though the more humorous guys in the cast tended to steal the audience's attention, but Laura did an excellent job and really showed that she'd deserved the part. All around, a fun time!

The next night we went to the Lion King. I'd heard so many people tell me that they'd loved this show - I had pretty high expectations. Carin had gotten us some great seats in the eighth row on the orchestra floor, and just before the show began the usher ran through, telling me to keep my elbows out of the aisle. No wonder - a giant rhinoceros manned by at least two people came lumbering down the aisle as the music began and the "animals" of Pride Rock welcomed the sunrise. It was truly a magical show - so beautiful in an artistic way that I'd not seen in other Broadway shows. The inclusion of so much African dance and music really made it something more than the Disney film. As we said when we came out of the theater that night: it was like nothing else we'd ever seen.

Well, of course, we did a lot more than see musicals, but if it were up to me and money was no object, I could have stayed for two more weeks and seen all the shows that were playing. Well - maybe not Legally Blonde: The Musical. Even I have my limits. But The Color Purple, Wicked, The Drowsey Chaperone, and many more looked so good, it was hard to walk by. It's probably a good thing that I don't live anywhere near to Broadway - I'd end up spending all my money and time on theater. Truly - this was a vacation to remember!

Strange Encounters

2007-09-26T11:35:00.000-07:00

I picked up Marilee from the airport last week; she was returning from Noo Yawk. As we were walking out of the airport, some guy kicked a soccer ball into my pregnant wife's head. Not hard, mind you - merely a glance. She was frustrated and kept walking without any comment. The guy turned around and apologized. Unlike my wife, I recognized this guy from two of my all-time favorite places: Lord of the Rings and the TV show, LOST. It was Dominic Monaghan who played Merry in LOTR and Charlie in LOST. This was the closest I had been to a star that I actually liked (very few fit this list). Star struck as I was, in response to his apology I stammered out, "Anytime!" What an idiot. Of course, when I told Marilee who it was, she completely echoed my response. What a great day, especially for Marilee.

That strange encounter was followed by another one last night as Marilee and I were laying in bed debriefing the day. I always like to keep my hand on her belly just believing that little Malott might know that I was involved in his life too. I mentioned to Marilee that we had not yet felt any kicks and I was beginning to think this little guy was quite the slug bug. Just then under my hand I felt him kick the belly as if to let me know I had overstepped the mark. Great, it looks like I may have a son just like myself - sassy! Lord, help us!

NYC Part 1: Stay Puff

2007-09-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I had an amazing opportunity to travel to New York City for four days. My mom, her best friend Pam, Pam's daughter Amanda, our family friend Carin, and her friend Angie, and myself all flew to NY and spent four days on the town. Rather than giving a quick overview of the fun times we had, I think I'll share my experiences in little excerpts - there's too much to say to condense it down to one entry. So, here's my first little story:

Although I've dodged morning sickness and am reveling in the joys of dairy products, I have recently developed a common symptom of pregnancy: swollen feet. My feet are normally very narrow. Long, but thin. My mom told me over the weekend that my feet were so long when I was born that I skipped right over the first newborn size of booties! When I was starting school as a child, I remember being so sad because all the girls wore these black, patent leather slip-on shoes, but my heel was so narrow that they refused to do more than slip-off. Luckily, the Mary Jane style has staying power, and I could wear shiny black shoes that buckled my long, skinny feet in. Tap shoes always have buckles, and I went through a phase where I went everywhere in my black tap shoes.

Recently, however, straps that buckle have proven to be a menace. Throughout the day my feet seem to be built a bit like Ballpark Franks - plumping up to three times their normal size. This growth has systematically diminished my shoe selection (with Jack's help, of course). At home, I'm pretty good about propping them up, and I spend much of my teaching time seated at the podium now. But in NYC, there was so much to see, so much to do! We walked and walked, traversing nearly every neighborhood on the island of Manhattan. When we got back to the hotel room each night, my mom, Pam, and Amanda were kind enough to fill zip lock bags with ice and pile up a mountain of feather pillows so that we could coax my feet into normal, human shape - you know, where there are ankle bones visible and your toes don't have dimples. Pretty much I looked (and felt at times) like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man clomping my way down the streets of NY. It was worth it, though! Definitely worth it. :) Stay tuned for more stories from the Big Apple...

The Big Fish

2007-09-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

Saturday, the Men's Ministry at our church decided to do a deep sea fishing trip. 40 of us adventured out into the open sea with nothing to guide us except a highly sophisticated GPS system, perfect weather, and an expert crew of fish gurus. After my early morning funk had worn off and the 5th cup of coffee settled nicely into my veins, I began to take in the fresh ocean breeze and that great primordial sense that I had become the hunter. I, along with my fraternity would conquer these giant Marlins that I had read about in Hemingway.

And then I stepped onto the boat. Minutes later, I was curled into a fetal position on the deck of that "vessel from Hell" as I attempted to keep the 5 cups of coffee from returning to the fresh ocean air. I prayed hard, asking God to calm the rough waters (the deck hand later told me that the water was the calmest it has been in weeks). After spending some time hanging limply over the side of the boat I crawled down into the hull to see if I might be able to forget the agony with some sleep. And so I slept.

Soon, above me, I could hear the shouts of excitement from those who had caught the "big one". Again and again fish were being caught without me. So I dragged myself up to the deck, grabbed my rod (with quite the panache I might say) and hefted my bait over the side to attempt to regain my manly hunter self. Over and over, my attempts were for not as one particular family who shall remain nameless (Schramms) kept bringing in enormous fish from the sea.

And then, as I had almost given up, I noticed that half my line had been taken out to sea. I got so excited I shouted out "I got one... [under breath - "Thank you, Jesus"] ... I got one." I looked around to make sure everyone knew that I got one. My attention was pulled back to the fish when one of the deck hands grabbed me and said, "Well you gotta reel it in first." Oh!

So I cranked and cranked, pulling Moby in. He walked me around the entirety of the boat, working me, faking me out, draining my resources. I fought as no man before me had. I was fighting for my manhood. I was fighting for men everywhere.

Finally, I began to pull him closer, reeling him out of the water. Oh, what a beauty - must be the biggest fish yet. The deck hand grabbed him and then handed me my prize. I held it aloft with such prize, showing it to all around me. I even found myself asking for someone to take my picture.

The deck hand asked me, "Do you want to keep him, he's not very big." In my head I'm thinking, "Is this guy daft? This thing is huge." But, I acted very cooly and responded, "Yeah, I'm sure I could do something with it." I was so proud. Of course, in this whole process I had missed 4 other catches by others, whose fish were twice the size of mine. Heck, I could have caught a minnow and I would have been in Heaven.

Only my dramatic self could have turned this into an existential battle. In a day, I gained, lost, and gained again my manhood (whatever that is). By the way, I'm now changing my name to Ahab.

A Name

2007-09-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

As I read the Old Testament I am always astounded by how important naming a child was to a parent and a community. And they made sure that name fit and pigeon-holed them for life. Names like "Caused much pain" or "Sadness overflowing" in the Hebrew. These parents seemed to place their hopes, dreams, and a bit of vindication in their childrens' names.

Now Marilee and I are stuck with the demanding task of choosing a name for our little boy, soon to arrive. Both of us love literature so we have tried anything of from Keats to Owen to Lewis. We love theology so Calvin, William, and Wesley have tempted our minds. From the Bible, Aaron and Jude. But do we want to pigeon-hole our child to follow our love of these things (well he better love the Bible!) Pretty much any of these names is going to get him at least a couple of black-eyes on the playground. Perhaps a John or a James would suit better. Maybe we should name him after the dog, Jack (Jack, jr. does sound good). With names like these he could fit in, maybe even navigate life under the radar.

Nah! Marilee and I are self-proclaimed geeks and are infinitely proud of that. I desire a child who is independent, strong, and ok with being different. Lets face it, just by being a Christian he will have plenty of that. I want a son who desires goodness over happiness, who chooses what is right over what is easy. If anyone has found a name that reflects all that and doesn't require clicks to pronounce it let me know. But lets face it, like all children, his name really should be "embarrased by his parents" (in the Hebrew, of course).

Part of a Team

2007-09-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have found this strange affinity for other pregnant women. So far, I've held in check the impulse to accost them in the street, at the mall, or in the grocery store just to say "I'm pregnant, too!" So far, I just pause in what I'm doing and think good thoughts their way. Little prayers for their safety and wellness. It's this odd feeling that we're somehow on the same team. Some sisterhood that I'd never realized existed before. It's not a nasty, exclusive club that looks down on other women -- most of my friends do not have children and won't for some time, and I feel very comfortable talking about how I'm doing or how I'm feeling with them. It's just this feeling that I could accost them in public places and they would know and understand how I'm feeling at that very moment.

Not that every pregnant woman goes through the same thing -- I feel very fortunate to have slipped through the first trimester without any morning sickness. I talk to other women who have been pregnant, and they often have terrible stories of pulling over the car just to vomit. At moments like those, Jesse and I look at one another with wonder and confusion -- I mean, I have had digestive issues my WHOLE life -- how is it possible that I've made it through pregnancy so far with nary a belly problem?

Not only that -- I've somehow left my lactose intollerance in the dust -- as if God thought "Hey, not only am I going to give you a kid, I'm going to give you nine months to eat ice cream, pizza, ranch dressing, and peanut M&M's, just as a bonus." And you'd better believe that I am living as though this reprieve will end, though some tell me that I may be fine with dairy from here on out. I figure, it's a bit like having someone tell you that you have only nine months to live -- if they're wrong, and you have more time, great, but if they're right, you'd better make the most of the time you have. And be grateful. So I do, because I am.

Not Yet Amish

2007-09-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Many who know me (Jesse) know that I am fond of exaggerations and the frequent use of hyperbole when telling stories. This is not one of those cases. As I have been consistently burned by the countless computers, PDA's, cell phones, and overall technology in my life, I am now tempted to become Amish (or at least some variety of sect that will still allow me to watch The Office every Thursday night - not much to ask considering the beard I plan to grow). I feel that the life would at least provide me with some peace from the war that the Techno-Kingdom has launched against me. Yet, here I am again tapping into another area of technology - "the blog". Eeesh!

My primary purpose for starting this blog is to solve our lack of communication with friends and family, especially as our baby arrives. I believe this blog will also serve to fulfill my Southern California need to display all our drama for the world to see. So here goes.