Children, Fools, and Pregnant Women

A week ago, I did something stupid. I'd like to blame my lack of common sense on the fact that most of my blood is being rerouted to my uterus, so perhaps my brain is a bit short on the necessary nutrients to think clearly. All I know is that I had a problem and came up with a solution, even if, in hindsight, it was a really dumb solution.

Jesse's grandmother was in the hospital and we weren't sure what time we would be getting home, so we asked our faithful dog-buddy, Josh, to swing by and let Jack out in the afternoon. I left my housekey for Josh and headed out. By four o'clock, it was time for my pregnant body to rest, so I headed home, leaving Jesse at the hospital, planning to ride home with his parents later that evening. Of course, when I got home, I realized that we'd not specified where Josh should leave my key when he was done. Now, understand - I was tired, needed to pee, and had my to-go dinner with me.

And I was key-less. Jack peered at me through the miniblinds, wondering what was taking me so long. It was getting dark and Jesse (who had his own key) was about a two hour drive away when you factored in traffic. I didn't have Josh's number, but I was pretty sure he'd left the key on the kitchen table as he'd done in the past (I was wrong, but that's irrelevant to my story). I checked under the mat in back. I checked under the mat in the front. I tried to talk Jackie into opening the door. And then I did what made perfect sense to me at the time: I looked for a window to crawl in.

I'd done it before when I'd locked myself out. And then we'd realized how easy it had been to get into our apartment, so I'd made Jesse put nails in all the windows. But I was standing there, tired, hungry, and increasingly irritable, and I started praying that maybe we'd left a window unlocked. Maybe there was a way I could get in. Sure enough, I discovered that the window I often open for Jack's benefit was unlatched. It was even located over the airconditioning unit, which I figured would make a handy seat as I hoisted my new heaviness up and in.

I got the screen off and then I pushed the window as far as I could get it to open. The dog tried to climb out, but I persuaded him that he'd be more help on the inside. I tried leaning in and unlocking the front door, but it was too far. There seemed no other solution at the time than to find a way to wiggle my big belly through that small opening. And I did. I sat on the air conditioner and put my head in. I will admit that at this moment, I had second thoughts. It felt a bit like being under a guillotine, which is not a good feeling. But I thought, "I am an able woman. I will solve this for myself." (Dumb, I know, but at the time it seemed very empowering.) Sure enough, I summoned super pregnant strength, pushed the window open a few more inches, and made it through. I was in! I ate my dinner rather proud of myself, although looking back I realize that was one of my stupider moments. Who knows what could have happened?

My mom's response was "Thank God that He watches out for children and fools, and perhaps we need to add pregnant women." Or maybe just childishly foolish pregnant women?