Those of you who have kids have already experienced the eschatological nature of pre-childbirth. As most of you know, I am a theo-nerd from way back and have a particular penchant for "last days" theology.
Usually, at night Marilee and I have the chance to debrief the day (you know, the boring stuff) and digest what new tidbits have developed in our winsome little lives. A couple of nights ago, the tiny tidbits morphed into a huge huddle on the topic of "pre-child preparatory philosophy." That of course is the pretentious phrase I created for grandness sake, but it essentially boils down to this: Marilee believes that she needs these last few months to establish routines and disciplines in her life so that she is properly prepared and ready for motherhood. Jesse sees these last few months as a hoorah to the days when you could still go to movies, go out with friends and most especially play Halo into all hours of the night. These philosophies have really followed us throughout our lives. Marilee has always been the responsible one - running home immediately after the first day of class just to get a start on that exciting "build-a-molecule" project. Jesse spent the first day in class calculating the latest possible time when he would have to turn in assignments. Marilee attended all her classes in college. Jesse went to take the tests. Marilee planned out their wedding months in advance with an "all-possible-scenarios" approach. Jesse helped plan the wedding... but still asked if Vegas wasn't perhaps a wiser option.
So as you can see, we have different philosophies about responsibility and preparation. So, here we sit in the "last days" before the coming of the child and attempt to grasp the apocalyptic nature of the event. We've been told that the literal emerging of the child is something from the Book of Revelation and that after this annunciation we can expect great transformation in our lives to come. So when Marilee asks me if I am really ready for all this transformation, I responded with the same phrase I have used for my entire life, "Desperation produces inspiration." She has a plan of attack. She has studied, researched, established her schedule, even begun practicing good family procedures without the family. She is ready and knows from experience that preparation is the best way to not fail. I, however, have gotten by on sheer luck (code for God had grace on my sorry butt).
I must admit to you all that I am afraid - afraid that I will never figure out how to comfort Jude (that's his name this week) when he's upset. I'm terrified that all my foibles will somehow manifest themselves into the personality of this little person. Will he be as reckless and irresponsible as me? Will he never learn from advice and only from mistakes? Will he have a secret addiction to Wienerschnitzel chili-cheese dogs? These are all questions that can only be answered through experience.
I prayed this morning that like my eschatology, I would place my faith for Jude in the fact that God will have the final say and his grace will overwhelm the errors of the many.
Still, I look forward to late night chili-dog runs (not in the bathroom way) with the boy.
Usually, at night Marilee and I have the chance to debrief the day (you know, the boring stuff) and digest what new tidbits have developed in our winsome little lives. A couple of nights ago, the tiny tidbits morphed into a huge huddle on the topic of "pre-child preparatory philosophy." That of course is the pretentious phrase I created for grandness sake, but it essentially boils down to this: Marilee believes that she needs these last few months to establish routines and disciplines in her life so that she is properly prepared and ready for motherhood. Jesse sees these last few months as a hoorah to the days when you could still go to movies, go out with friends and most especially play Halo into all hours of the night. These philosophies have really followed us throughout our lives. Marilee has always been the responsible one - running home immediately after the first day of class just to get a start on that exciting "build-a-molecule" project. Jesse spent the first day in class calculating the latest possible time when he would have to turn in assignments. Marilee attended all her classes in college. Jesse went to take the tests. Marilee planned out their wedding months in advance with an "all-possible-scenarios" approach. Jesse helped plan the wedding... but still asked if Vegas wasn't perhaps a wiser option.
So as you can see, we have different philosophies about responsibility and preparation. So, here we sit in the "last days" before the coming of the child and attempt to grasp the apocalyptic nature of the event. We've been told that the literal emerging of the child is something from the Book of Revelation and that after this annunciation we can expect great transformation in our lives to come. So when Marilee asks me if I am really ready for all this transformation, I responded with the same phrase I have used for my entire life, "Desperation produces inspiration." She has a plan of attack. She has studied, researched, established her schedule, even begun practicing good family procedures without the family. She is ready and knows from experience that preparation is the best way to not fail. I, however, have gotten by on sheer luck (code for God had grace on my sorry butt).
I must admit to you all that I am afraid - afraid that I will never figure out how to comfort Jude (that's his name this week) when he's upset. I'm terrified that all my foibles will somehow manifest themselves into the personality of this little person. Will he be as reckless and irresponsible as me? Will he never learn from advice and only from mistakes? Will he have a secret addiction to Wienerschnitzel chili-cheese dogs? These are all questions that can only be answered through experience.
I prayed this morning that like my eschatology, I would place my faith for Jude in the fact that God will have the final say and his grace will overwhelm the errors of the many.
Still, I look forward to late night chili-dog runs (not in the bathroom way) with the boy.
1 comment:
Enjoy sleep now.
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