Four Generations

Here's a little montage of video that I took when Gavin, Dustin, and I headed out to Moreno Valley to introduce my son to his great-grandparents. Although my Grandma and Grandpa have nine great-grandchildren already, each one is special and cherished. It was so wonderful to see Gavin in the arms of two people who have meant so much to me. I truly feel blessed to have such generous, loving, and encouraging people in my life - grandparents who have set the bar pretty high! Luckily Gavin's grandparents (all four of them) are on their way to achieving equal greatness. Here are a few photos to prove my point:

Little Clone?

From the moment that Jesse's parents came into the Labor-Delivery room, they exclaimed, "Jesse! He looks just like you!"

At that time, I'd only briefly glanced at Gavin as he entered the world, and only then because my OB had ordered in her gentle, no-nonsense voice, "Marilee, look up and see your son." He looked something like a grey-alien from the X-files to me, plus all I really wanted at that moment was for her to finish extracting that little alien so I could stop pushing my insides out. He didn't look like Jesse to me, at least not in that pain-infused moment, but then he didn't really look human either, so who could say?

The large NICU staff must have finally heard my voiceless plea because they whisked Gavin away to his little receiving table and did whatever it is they do to make sure that he was well and safe. I sort of hazily waved Jesse towards the kid and submitted myself to be kneaded and stitched, sending up a groggy prayer of thanks that God had stood by us, feeling at that moment that I could not have made it even one contraction more.

Eventually, Gavin came back and bonded with me "skin to skin," and I was pleased to see that five pulls with the vacuum had not made his head terribly cone-shaped, and they'd successfully rubbed him into a nice pink color. I was a bit amazed that any child of mine could be born with so much hair (I had bows taped to my head until I was two), and so when our family came in to meet the new Malott who'd taken his sweet time to arrive, I had to agree that Gavin looks a lot like Jesse. Good thing I think Jesse's so handsome!

Still, there are moments when I look at him and see echoes of my Nunn and Hulse bloodlines, particularly in his long fingers and toes and his little lips. I was amazed, though, when Amy brought pictures of Jesse as a newborn - if I didn't know better, I would truly swear that the pictures were of Gavin. I can't wait to see how he'll grow and change over the years!!

See for yourself:

Survivor - The Baby Islands

Its been almost 3 months since I've (Jesse) posted anything, so please excuse my rough blog edges as I enunciate my innermost feelings regarding Fatherhood.

HEEELLLLLPPPP!!!!

Having a baby is quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. And the most exciting. Marilee has already expressed to you dear blog-ees that we have had no sleep for over 3 weeks (except for some pity that our folks provided us). But that is truly not the most difficult thing. The most difficult thing that I have come across is overcoming my very male need to fix the situation. With babies, most of the time, you cannot "fix the situation".

I mean my normal tendency is to look at his fussing like I would with any problem in the church. I assess the level of the problem. Is this harming multiple people? Is this a problem that is bound in the past? Will I or others be able to resolve this quickly or will I be in this in the long haul? Usually the answer is no to all of the above for Gavin. Then I move on to step 2 - What are the resources at my disposal in order to accomplish a solution? With the baby - pacifier, bottle, music, blow dryer, vacuum cleaner, and lately a strange white hip hop dance that I came up with that seems to appeal to my very white child.

Step - After exhausting all resources, how do I turn this problem into a solution that works for everyone? In this case I feel like I am dealing with an alcoholic. He wants the bottle, not necessarily from need but because he "has to have it." Originally I didn't want to be controlled by the kid, but when he hits that "pig sqeal" it is all over for me. I shove that bottle in his mouth while doing the Macarena in my skivvies at 3am faster than you can say "Cranky boy". It's about survival right now. I have few solutions - I have become a minimalist parent - seeking to keep my son happy for 15 minutes so that I can pay the bills. Sorry Baby Whisperer - I have failed you.

Yet in those survival moments - I find myself so in love with this little guy that looks just like me. He even has the crazy Conan O'Brian hair - poor kid. We had prayed that we would have a mellow child like Marilee. Instead we have the blessing of raising a very "spirited boy". May God bless us all as we enjoy that spirit.

Pooh on your Father

Gavin is three weeks old today. Three weeks sounds like a short time. Until you realize that three weeks is a long time to be awake. Before Gavin arrived, I tried to prepare as best I could - I read books, we decorated the nursery, I talked to moms about what it was like. I figured it would be more amazing and more difficult than anyone can imagine pre-baby (a bit like marriage, in fact). I was right. It is, indeed, more exquisite and more painful than I could anticipate.

Yet, even amongst the zombie-like exhaustion that's set in and the emotional turmoil brought on by Gavin's slow weight gain, we've had a lot of moments of laughter. Those are the moments that I want to capture here. Months or years from now, the sleep deprivation will be something we shrug our shoulders over and (hopefully) remember as just one more hurdle in this race of ours. Heck, the vividness of 21 hours in labor is already fading, so I assume these weeks of bleary-eyed exhaustion will too. What I hope stands out in our memories are the moments that things went wrong, but we were able to laugh anyway. So, here's one of the highlights:

When Gavin was only about a week old, Jesse was holding him and feeding him. Because Gavin usually falls asleep during his feedings, we were told by the pediatrician to try a variety of strategies to keep him awake - tickle his feet, rub his hands, feed him unclothed. Jess had Gavin on his lap with Gavin wearing only a diaper. A diaper that, it turned out, is a bit big for him. This fact was discovered quite dramatically when Jesse let out a wail and exclaimed, "He pooped on me!" Indeed, Gavin had "blown out his britches" as my mom says, covering Jesse in baby poop. Here's a photo to help you imagine the scene. We (my parents and I - I'm not sure Jesse's ready to laugh about it yet) had a great time laughing over that one. It brought a whole new meaning to the card game our family enjoys playing whenever we're all together: Pooh on Your Neighbor!